Into The Ring For A Grudge Match
by allancarreon on Aug.01, 2016, under Film & TV
Key take-aways from Sadako Vs. Kayako.
- Even a busy vengeful spirit needs to, pardon the pun, let her hair down once in a while by getting her luscious locks rebonded. Two decades of meting out video curses is a long time.
- If you are obsessed with urban legends, meeting a demonic entity is far more important than preserving your life. Carpe diem!
- Efficiency gains are as important in the supernatural world as it is in the business world. Where once you needed seven days to fulfill a curse, now you should be able to do it in two days. Think of the FTE savings.
- Set your cursed video in a different place every few years to keep your intended prey engaged. Old wells are so 90s.
- Keep up with the times. Enough with the VHS tapes; your target audience is limited, if at all. DVDs, Blu-Ray, and mp4 files are now in vogue. Don’t be Nokia; be Apple.
- Amateur tarot readers who proclaim that the cards she just dealt you are the worst combination ever should be slapped in the face and then enrolled in a How to Motivate People course.
- It is never a good idea to upload a cursed video onto YouTube or any form of social media. Unless you are a vengeful spirit, in which case, make sure you priortize once you hit 1,000 likes and shares. That’s a lot of curses to follow through on.
- You can be assured that a deserted house that no one has lived in for years will have electricity that can power your television and VHS player. Lugging a TV around is also apparently preferable to playing a video on your tablet, or are you concerned that the onryō might have a hard time crawling out of your iPad?
- Keep your child away from the television. Even if he is a vile, nasty, and treacherous little spirit that is in dire need of a bath. Ooops. In poor taste.
- Sometimes, stupid plans succeed. More often than not, however, they’re just stupid, and you get viciously cut in half by malevolent ghosts. Or you become one yourself.
I think this film would be 4 or 5 stars. It’s not a disaster, but it’s just so… banal.
However, since I enjoyed the campiness of it all anyway, and in honor of my love for both franchises (but more so for Ju-On… #teamkayako all the way!), I’ll bump it up to 7 out of 10 stars.
And for those who prefer it less creepy through an English dub: